


Until the very end

by liebling



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Meetings, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-05
Updated: 2014-12-05
Packaged: 2018-02-28 05:53:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2721188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liebling/pseuds/liebling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Looking at the man in front of him, Sherlock decides to try. Because he’s got to believe it. He has to know that someday they’ll be together again. In heaven, hell, or the next life, whatever comes after, he has to know that somewhere, somehow, John will be his again."</p><p>No matter how hard they try or how many times they meet, they will never be together. But the universe has a strange way of working out. They have to believe that they will meet again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until the very end

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sassybleu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassybleu/gifts).



> This is what happens when I watch Cloud Atlas and then am stressed about my exams. For my amazing, dashing and incredible friend who helped me write this. No this is not your Christmas present. She also helped me by beta-ing this.

1534

Hay was scattered all about the ground. The tattered clothing that they had the audacity to call clothing did nothing to keep the cold from penetrating their skin. Wrapping his spidery limbs around his legs; Sherlock contemplated life.

To be specific, he was contemplating life with John.

He was contemplating how his time with John had been entirely too short.

He had pined after him for years; and when Sherlock could finally call him his, he realised that hiding his love in secrecy was better than not having it at all. Then he watched John take a wife, and felt his heart crack, just a little bit. He knew it was necessary but it hurt nonetheless.

Now all he felt was extreme disappointment that they’d only been granted was a measly year.

He looked over to where John was sitting, gazing out the window. Despair and desperation written on his face as clearly as the stars in the sky.

It was almost dawn.

John slowly turned to meet Sherlock’s eyes.

 “I wish I could hold you in my arms..kiss you…I wish I could leave here with you.” His voice was quiet and sounded defeated.

He says nothing. There’s nothing to say.

Because Sherlock wishes for those things too. Desperately.

He could feel the tears start to pool in his eyes. It was foolish of him to cry now; when all was said and done. He didn’t cry at the trial or after the sentencing.

But he knew why he was crying now.

Because after today there would be no more John.

John saw the tears that were silently falling and almost whispered,

“No, don’t cry Sherlock. I love you. God I love you with all my heart. I know we’ll be together again. In the afterlife, in heaven, I don’t know. But we’ll be together. I’m sure of it. I love you, Sherlock.” He smiles sadly, his faith in god untouched even after all they’ve been through.

Sherlock doesn’t believe it. Can’t.

But he wants to. If not for himself then for John.

Looking at the man in front of him, Sherlock decides to try. Because he’s got to believe it. He has to know that someday they’ll be together again. In heaven, hell, or the next life, whatever comes after, he has to know that somewhere, somehow, John will be his again.

Distantly, he hears the prison door open and steady, even footsteps walk towards them.

“I love you, John. I always will.”

“I know.” He replies, tears making their way down his cheeks.

The gaoler comes to a stop before their cells and he hears John start praying.

 

 

 

 

 

 

1726

John’s mind was blank, he was stunned, and taking this much harder than Sherlock obviously believed he would.

He closed his eyes and prayed that when he opened them he would find that this was all a dream.

But when he opened them he could still see that look on Sherlock’s face, polite and reserved. And if he didn’t know him any better, he’d think it was real. If he didn’t know any better, he wouldn’t see the pain that was so carefully being packed away behind the mask. But Sherlock’s voice was sounded as though he was talking to an acquaintance and not his lover.

“Sherlock, please,why are you saying these things? Is it because of those hangings? Because we’ll just have be more careful. Or are you playing some kind of horrid trick on me? Because it’s not funny. Sherlock, _please_.”

“Mr. Watson, I can assure you, I am playing no trick. Nor do the recent events have anything to do with my reason for visiting.”

John flinched at the formality of Sherlock using his last name. He was pretty sure he now knew what a heart breaking sounds like.

“I simply think it’s time we get over this perversion of ours. You understand how it is,men are supposed to be with women. It’s what nature intended. I believe it would be in both of our best interests if both of us found brides.”

“Brides?” was all John could croak out. In his mind flashed the memory of the small ceremony they had held in a molly house. It may not have been considered valid or even legal, but it was as real to them as any wedding could be.

“Yes Mr. Watson, marriage, a proper one, not the farce we put on last year.” He said, deducing John’s thoughts.

“Furthermore, I am moving. Paris, to be exact…With my future bride. I strongly request that you please do not attempt to contact me. Good day Mr. Watson.”

He looked around John’s house, sighed, and walked out; of John’s house, and life.

John sank to his knees and began to weep. His life already beginning to wither away from the heartache.

xxx

Sherlock went home and took out a small lock of blond hair. He stared at it reverently; it was now his most prized possession.

He clutched at the lock while he cried. He’d never forgive himself for how thoroughly he just broke the man he loved. The only solace he found was the knowledge that he wouldn’t lose John forever to death. Because he knew that as surely as the sun rises each morning, that someday, they were going to get caught, and that would only lead to a hanging. And even that wouldn’t have been so bad if it were both of them; but he would only ever be exiled. John would be hanged, and he’d live forever in pain with the knowledge of what he’d inadvertently caused.

So he sat on the floor and wept and wept for everything that he’d lost.

 

 

 

 

 

 

1943

_Sherlock,_

_You should know I’m quite cross with you for not sending a letter the past few weeks. I know you’re busy working for Mycroft but at least take a few minutes to write and tell me you’re okay.You can’t get angry when I don’t write and then expect me not to do the same._

_I’m doing okay here. I hope you are too. I hear about what’s all happening over there and I get worried; but then I remember just exactly who you are and what you do, and I feel better._

_The boys here are convinced that I have a sweet, young girl that I’m writing to. I don’t have the heart to tell them the truth._

_One of the guys found a radio. It’s an Italian, but it works; keeps us all a little happier I guess._

_There’s so much I miss. The way your lips feel against mine. The way your hair is so soft, but tickles my nose when I wake up. The way your brain can make anyone look like a fool. I wish I could come home; hold you. Kiss you. God I love you, Sherlock. Every day I wake up and just for a second I think that I’m home, and you’re in the next room. But then I remember where I am and I swear it breaks my heart a little more every day. You keep me going, just by being. I don’t get to talk to you enough. It seems like every time I sit down to write I get five minutes before I’ve got to leave. And there goes the bell. I’ve got to go. Please eat, and sleep; if for nothing else then do it for me. I can’t come back to you being all skin and bones like before we were together._

_I’ve really got to go, but please write me. You’re the only thing that keeps me going these days._

_I love you,_

_John_

xxx

 

 

_To,_

_Ms. Harriet Watson,_

_Mr. Sherlock Holmes,_

_We regret to inform you that, Captain John Watson, 5 th Northumberland Fusiliers, was killed in action in North Africa on 16 April in performance of his duty to the country. Last rites were performed after the battle and he is buried at the military cemetery. A cross now marks his grave._

_Dearest apologies,_

_Service Department_

 

 

 

 

 

 

2010

John Watson limps behind an excited Mike Stamford. He’s tired and really just wants to go back to his flat and wallow in his own misery, but is being polite enough to follow through with his decisions.

“Well it’s a bit different from my day.” He says, just to break the heavy silence.

“You’ve no idea.” Mike says chuckling.

“Mike, can I borrow your phone? There’s no signal on mine.” A deep voice cut through the lab.

“And what’s wrong with the landline?”

“I prefer to text.”

Mike rolled his eyes before saying, “Sorry it’s in my coat.”

For some unknown reason, John suddenly feels as if his entire existence relies on helping this man.

Taking his mobile out of his pocket, he clears his throat before saying,

“Er..here. Use mine.”

In the background, John only half-hears Mike say, “It’s an old friend of mine, John Watson.”

“Oh. Thank you.” The man takes long strides as he walks the short distance to his outstretched hand. Once grabbed, he turns partially away and begins to type.

“Afghanistan or Iraq?”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it.  
> So facts time.  
> In 1533 King Henry VIII made sex between two men or anal sex between a man and a woman to be punishable by death. Sex between women was legal.
> 
> In 1726 three men were hanged for being homosexual. Molly houses were the precursors to gay pubs, men there performed marriage ceremonies and even pretended to get pregnant and give birth. Being a lesbian was still legal and a bill to make it illegal was defeated by a vast majority by the British parliament. 
> 
> 1939-1945 World War II Over five million men served in the British armed forces during World War II. Of these, it's likely that at least 250,000 were gay or bisexual (Wikipedia).
> 
> I didn't write the language consistent with the time periods as I don't know how. I didn't want to add thee tis and other words to make it sound as though it was another time period.


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